I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
