So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
