my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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