Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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