she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
