Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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