: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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