she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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