Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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