Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize