i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
