your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
