watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
