You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
