But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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