Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
