FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
