Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
two words: eviction party
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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