Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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