if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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