Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
