Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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