I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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