you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize