So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
