i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
