You can't motorboat a personality
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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