Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
