Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
