Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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