Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize