is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
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I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
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'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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