i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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