Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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