I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
