sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
