Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
