we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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