No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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