Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
