then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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