btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
