i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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