it's too hot outside to masturbate.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You are a genius and a whore.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize