You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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