Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
