I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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