heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
