omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The air was thick with penises
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize