Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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