If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
