You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
