Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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