well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
