You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
