nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
