I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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