So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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