He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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