I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
