I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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