it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Sorry my hands just texted you
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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